Thou shalt not judge-so why do we?

With it being the Mother’s Day season, I have been thinking about what makes a good mom? I’m no different from any other mom. I have peaks and valleys. Days where the promise of McDonalds is my most effective parenting tool and days where I manage to turn my son’s questions into real life lessons that he absorbs and better yet, utilizes. I know what I believe makes a good mom but I wanted to see what other people thought so I asked a few friends and also complete strangers. Their answers surprised me because the majority of responses pertained to what makes a bad mom not what makes a good mom. When did we get so judgey and why? I don’t understand why everyone feels compelled to judge each other. A mom’s love can be shown in so many ways. So here are the responses to the judgey answers that I got.They might not make me popular but they’re honest.

Answer #1 I don’t know about good mothers but I see a lot of bad ones out there. They’re always leaving their kids, posting girls nights out on Facebook. It’s not right.
My response I’m a firm believer that in order to have a healthy marriage, parents need to go out minus kids a minimum of once a month. To remember that they like each other. Same thing is true as a mom. You have to get out with friends and remember that part of who you are. And remember that you really like that person. Day to day parenting can and does eclipse any identity that was there pre kid. You have to check in and actively maintain that identity.

That’s the long version of “I’m all for girls night, book club without a book, whatever. Just let me be me.”

Answer#2 These young girls give up their babies like its nothing. Did you hear someone left a baby at the fire station? It’s ridiculous.
My response: I cannot imagine the strength it takes to give up a baby that has grown within you for nine months. Or where you get the maturity as a teenager to say “I can’t do this but someone else can.” Any woman or girl who recognizes that they cannot care for their child and makes sure that child is in a safe place is a hero. That includes those safe haven drop spots at police and fire stations.

The baby is safe and on its way to a hopefully good life. That mom is a hero. Period.

Answer #3: I see all these pregnant women at the Obstetricians office and they are either too thin or they’re huge. Why can’t they take care of themselves. They’re pregnant!”
My response: Who are you to judge someone else’s weight? They are at their prenatal appointment. Taking care of the baby. While that seems like a basic to many people, it frequently doesn’t happen. It should be celebrated.

What I wish I had said was ‘take a look in the mirror sister. You’re clearly a member of the no pie left behind club so who are you to judge?’ I didn’t say that out loud which was a missed opportunity I believe. Socially appropriate or not.

Those are the answers that got to me the most. Because here’s the bottom line; none of us are in a position to judge. We all do the best we can. I commend the women and girls that make decisions that are best for themselves and for their children.

What makes a good mom? Love. If you’ve got that, you will find the right path wherever it may lead you to. And ignore those judgey moms. For good reason, nobody invites them to book club without a book and they’re bitter. That is a judgey statement that I can stand by.

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