Cantastik

I haven’t been posting lately mostly because this is a place that I reserve for identifying the humor in my world. And life just hasn’t been funny lately. From a face plant while on a girls weekend (in hindsight funny) to a potentially devastating health condition (hello mostly untreatable Cancer) laughs have been rare in my world. But yesterday I heard the most beautiful word ever and it brought the light and laughter back to my life.

Benign

Such a game changer. I was of course deliriously excited. And then a little lost. That’s seems weird but it’s true. Here’s why: Two years ago I left a high-powered, high paying job with 24 hours notice to stay home with my son. I went from overseeing almost 200 employees to overseeing one kid and let’s be honest, the power hangs in the balance at any given time. Since then, everything has been about my son. And when I was facing not being here for him anymore it all went into hyperdrive. Anything he wanted to do-we did it. I raced from my invasive and pretty painful biopsy to take him to the last day of school picnic because I didn’t want him to be the only one without his mom there (FYI there’s not enough pain meds on earth to make that pleasant.) But I did it because it was all about him. And then after over an agonizing week of waiting I heard that beautiful word benign.

And I didn’t know what to do. Because in that moment I suddenly realized that I know and love my role, I know and love my job but I no longer know ME.

I’ve always been a live to work person. When my job became staying home with my son I approached it with the same dedication. But I have gotten lost. I am mom 24/7 but I know that I am so much more. Or at least I used to be.

And now that I have the chance I’m going to find out who I am. Not who I was. For the first time in my adult life I won’t define myself by what my job is. I’m off to find ME whoever that is. I don’t know how I will do this but I am determined to succeed. And laugh. I will always remember that life is still funny. Even when it sucks.

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