You know you want to

After a fun filled summer break I’m back. And there’s so much I have to say. First off, hallelujah! I get to speak my mind freely after two months of editing myself in front of the preschooler. Monday morning is going to be F’ bombpalooza. That’s not all though. There’s a lot more that I want to do and say and it’s possible that I may have already indulged.

I admit nothing.

5 things I want to do and say now that summer break is over. You know you want to too.

1. When my kid is having a big, fat meltdown in the car seat, I want to walk around to the drivers side reeeeeally slowly. Like glacially slow. It’s going to get cooler out now so it’s ok if I take my time walking around the car. After all that crying, I find the sound of the garbage truck going by soothing.

2. I want to tell the snobby lady who we saw all summer at the club how much she surprises me. Why? Because I knew that all of that Botox makes you look like you have no emotions but who knew it could actually make you emotionless? Devoid of personality? I want to say spend  less on the Botox and go buy a personality. Then maybe you can get laid and you won’t be such a bitch.

3. I want to kick Mother Nature’s ass. The whole summer was rainy or cool. No way was my kid coming home from camp wiped out from the heat and ready to pass out for the night. I paid big money for that benefit and Mother Nature screwed me. And hey, thanks for all the rain on the weekends too. Because I hadn’t watched Frozen and the Lego Movie enough all spring. Everything was NOT awesome and I will not let it go!

4. I want to pour bleach in my ears if any of those stupid songs of summer come on the radio. Or if the Frozen soundtrack is playing anywhere on the planet.

5. I want to revel in the joy of having a set schedule again. To have all of the moving parts in pre arranged, predictable places. I will enjoy that for about 10 minutes. Then I’ll start bitching how much I want summer back because summer is amazing. And nothing parallels summer with a little boy who brings you dandelion bouquets every day and tells you you’re beautiful when you’re sweaty and dirty at the park. Nothing.

You know what I really want? I want to know how long until summer break 2015? The countdown is on!


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